I haven’t stopped writing I just was not finding my way to enter it into a post. Some of the hiatus was about a month of bad pain. My old back issues reconfigured as a neurological condition called caudus equinus. The caudus is the end of the spinal cord and equina is named for the “horsetail” of nerves that emerge from there. The symptoms are evidenced in a particular pattern from the low back into all the areas of the body that would touch a saddle if you happened to be sitting on one. Given the pain, numbness and tingling that result from this rare condition, having had MS and spinal stenosis in the past (no longer active), no one could have spotted it within those conditions until now. In my case, I believe my caudus is recently inflamed increasing pre-existing old symptoms to flare up. I also managed to displace some ribs while leaning over my windowsill (!) and the pain from my chest merged with the inflammation in my back and instead of two separate hot fireplaces of pain, I was one conflagration. I was on painkillers for a while which greatly reduced the fires and then I could feel the slight return of sensation in my equina nerves again. In any event, I am back to my basic back pain which is tolerable, and I am able to increase my mobility and sit up at the computer to write more.

I will include one of my favorite summer poems that I wrote from a collection called Stopping by Ponds on a Summer Morning (homage to Mr. Frost).

6/12/21

Day Makers at Buttonbush Pond

The conductor raises his baton

from absolute stillness

the whispering chatter

of surrounding leaves

drops with the breeze

then

we begin

lone percussive woodpecker

bass gulp of a frog

buzz of insects

warning cry of a redwing blackbird

chuckling robin

myriad trills and chirps

fugues interweave

my breath and heartbeat

part of the orchestral morning

brought to you by

Day Makers

Judi Bachrach

I also include the lyrics of a song that took months to emerge, just in time to sing for the holidays. Next year I have a friend who is going to help me set up a podcast so that I can sing my songs or recite a poem as well as write them down to share. I am no singer, but I write songs in my head and sing them since nobody else can do it for me. Here is the song:

Find Your Way Children, Children

Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Children, find your way





Maybe you’ll climb a mountain

Maybe you’ll cross the sea

Maybe you’ll stay and plant your garden

Wherever you may be

Don’t let fear hold you back

Or tell you what to do





Anger only grows in fear and

Anger will poison you





Reach for love to make real changes

Love makes your dreams come true

Reach for love, love, love, yes, love will see you through




Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Children, find your way





If you slide back down the mountain

You lose what you thought you had

Your ship won’t sail, your garden won’t grow

The whole world makes you sad





Don’t let sorrow hold you back

Or tell you what to do

Embrace your sorrow, you will find

More joy inside of you





Reach for joy to make real changes

Joy makes your dreams come true

Reach for joy, joy, joy, yes, joy will see you through





Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Children, find your way





If your heart is broken

If your body fails

No more gardens, no more mountains

No more ships to sail





Pain is all you’re feeling

Feeling pain just everywhere

Ask for help and it will come

Don’t give up, and don’t despair





Reach for one thing that you’re thankful for

Giving thanks is what you can do

Reach for gra-ti-tude, yes, giving thanks will see you through





Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Find your way children, children

Children, find your way





If people are always fighting

If people are always at war

If people are always greedy

Always hateful, grabbing more





Don’t let the war inside your heart

Or let fighting be your way

Stand up strong where peace must start

Inside you every day





Be the peace to make real changes

Make your dreams of peace come true

Be the peace, peace, peace, be the peace that lives in you





Find the love children, children

Find the joy children, children

Give your thanks children, children

Children, live in peace





Find the love children, children

Find the joy children, children

Give your thanks children, children

Children, live in peace

Judi Bachrach

Finally, here is my poem with my friend Rebecca Cardozo’s marvelous photos which is part of Kendal’s Winter Solstice celebrations. Once more it will be part of an inhouse TV channel prerecorded program though we are inching closer to auditorium gatherings once again.

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1V1_lBDXi9lXJkcMcVr9uracP9DJd3Z2O/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100755859289511988714&rtpof=true&sd=true

Click on the link or Copy this link and see if it opens for you. Glad to be sharing here once more. More coming….

11 thoughts on “Back again

  1. I am so sorry that you have to experience such terrible pain. I want to share words that I shared on facebook. (by a woman namesd ehimeora).
    You gotta resurrect the deep pain within you and give it a place to live that is not within your body.
    Let it live in art; let it live in writing; let it live in music. Let it be devoured by building brighter connections.
    Your body is not a coffin for pain to be buried in. Put it somewhere else. (this is only to confirm that you are doing this and have been doing this for as long as I knew you! I just find the message beautiful. Lots of love to youxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Being a bit of an information nerd, I looked up cauda equina syndrome and even watched some videos of people talking about it. I’m sorry you had to go through that, Judi – it really does sound awful, and terribly painful. It sounds insensitive to say that I’m glad you’re back to your basic back pain, doesn’t it, but from all you’ve gone through I can see why you would say that. I hope for continuing improvement for you in all of these areas of pain and discomfort.
    Thanks you for the poem and the song, both lovely – I’m waiting for permission to access the link so I hope it comes through.
    Much love to you Judi xo

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    1. Ah- permission for the link- I am very non tech so sorry if it doesn’t happen, I will be working on how to use my blog better in the future. Thanks for your understanding , curiosity, and support. Judi B.

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  3. Judi, It is so good to hear from you again! Although, of course, not good at all to read what you have been going through! I have been wondering how you are. Oh, and yes, you are a singer!

    Always sending Love, Judy D.

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    1. Oh Judy, thank you. Aging has not improved my vocal skills and as Kendal is full of classically trained musicians, there is no keyboard player here (so far, there are always new residents joining us) that plays by ear. I am spoiled by talented friends in Woodstock who hear me sing my piece, sit at the piano and say, “how about these chords?”…to back me up and keep me on pitch and rhythm. I’ll sing anyway but maybe the Kendal universe will send me a musical collaborator and not just highly skilled professionals who only read scores so adeptly! I have been thinking of you and will send you a photo of your vase holding a fall bouquet. xoJ

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  4. Thank you Judi for the update and for the poetry, which is such a great way to live in between the lines of the physical suffering of life. You know I know…I’m with you in spirit, with so much love, Bonnie

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